Immortals tea party
by Selkie-smile
Summary: The 12th Doctor and Merlin are old acquaintances. Mostly humour.
1. Chapter 1

"So. You're back again, Merlin?" Merlin glanced toward the Doctor and smiled.

"As are you, old friend."

The Doctor smiled slightly, "I am. I've been here for a while this time actually, got a proper job and everything. They even gave me an office."

Merlin grinned and relaxed back into his 'Professor' chair.

"How very official sounding. Should I bother asking how much time you spend in it?"

Taking the sofa the Doctor hummed, "Weeell, not much, but a little, more since a young lady started asking for proper lessons. I always forget how excitable young humans are and… distractible. That's _before_ you consider their tendency to wander off after anything that seems likely to mate with them given half a chance."

Merlin groaned, " _Again_ Doctor? And here I thought that the grey hair was a sign of you growing up and leaving the 'excitable' types be. Plus, they stick to humans, not 'things'"

"Never growing up Merlin, it's a terrible idea. Believe me though, I am definitely _not_ her type, she'd be more appreciative of my- of Clara, and _You_ of all people can't comment on the humans-only trend. _Or_ deviating."

"Hey, that's unfair, I am careful. Usually."

"Uhuh. Lady of the Lake."

"You know she's off limits."

The Doctor did know and tilted his head, but he was one of the few who also knew Merlin.

"The Faye Princess." Merlin cleared his throat.

"We were more um… friends with benefits than a _thing._ She wasn't willing to take the _leannan sìth_ back without some kind of compromise."

"Still counts, Merlin. Jack."

"Oh come on, he _was_ human."

"Indeed. WAS, past-tense, and don't think I didn't hear about what you pair did to poor Shakespeare that one time. The Dryad, Mr I-was-frozen-in-a-tree."

"Oh fuck, well the bard wasn't exactly complaining about it. The legend _does_ become somewhat less family rated if it features a Warlock being invited to a magic party by a pretty girl, then rather foolishly following a beautiful, friendly Dryad girl 'home' while rat-arsed and getting slightly...carried away...without realising time passes differently in that realm. It really didn't seem that long. I couldn't exactly tell them I drank too much at a Beltane fire and was away for long enough with a girl that they thought I was trapped forever." He rolled his eyes.

"Tell you what though, it was a whole new meaning of 'I'm never drinking again.'"

"Uhuh. Family friendly is it now?" The Doctor looked as though he doubted Merlin's capacity there.

Merlin allowed himself to properly laugh then, "Oh, shut up! She had descendents you know, you even met one of them. It's not like they want to hear about great-granny's prowess in seduction. It's good to see you again Doctor."

"And you Merlin, and you. The offer still stands by the way. As always."

Merlin was absentmindedly playing with the light, bending it into elaborate displays, "And the answer is always the same, isn't it. You could have chosen anywhere to get a 'proper job' as you called it, to guard or study whatever you are really here for, but you didn't, you chose to be a university Professor, surrounded by those still unembittered. Wide eyed and fascinated by the world, I understand why too. I can't offer you that and we both know it, I'm an old man Doctor, jaded, no matter how I look, just like your last face. I needed to see the same thing as you did. I can't allow myself to withdraw again, and neither can you. I love spending time with you and Jack. It helps me hold onto sanity, but travelling together would destroy us all- and goddess knows what else. We all need to be reminded of the forgiveness of youth, in between times." He smiled gently at his old friend, despite denying him. They'd seen each other at low points as well as high and accepted each other for all of it.

Merlin cleared his throat and waved a hand, "I like the new face you know, it suits you. Definitely one of my favourites. I bet you still have a voice they don't listen to though." He paused and looked around his own office. "When do I get to meet your new pupil then? Or do I have to go to class and guess?"

The Doctor closed his eyes and smirked, "Well where's the fun if I just tell you?"

Merlin snorted "Sometimes you're worse than Kilgarrah."

"I'll take that as a compliment. I rather like him, when he isn't trying to roast people. How is your

dragon?"

"Sleeping. Thought he'd stretch his wings a bit and is curled up somewhere near Iceland, they have some lovely volcanoes up there. Apparently it feels 'homey.'"

The Doctor's bushy eyebrow could rival Gaius' own. "Can't say I've ever felt particularly at home in volcanoes. Just make sure you check out the dust up there. Volcanic dust can be dangerous." The Doctor frowned and Merlin knew he was lost in a memory. He waited patiently for it to pass.

"I will. Where were you?"  
"Pompeii. Mount Vesuvius. It was a fixed point." Merlin allowed his empathy to flow around the Doctor's mind.

"I met her once you know. Donna Noble. Well, twice. You took her back for a picnic once, a long time ago and she saw me. Said I was far too skinny and made me eat a banana. I'd never seen one before and she had to show me how. She felt different, but I was too young to understand then. Later, much, much later, I met her looking for you. I almost called you then but it wasn't time yet."

The Doctor registered surprise but reminded himself that here was one of the precious few who understood, who knew to some extent the burden of _knowing_ , and of allowing things to unfold that must not be altered. "I didn't meet you until you were younger."

Merlin smiled wryly, "You wouldn't let me travel with you when you heard my name, and started cursing archaeologists."

"They're always interfering."

"They make you laugh."

"That's not a compliment." The Doctor's eyebrows did something complicated.

" _She_ thought it was." They were quiet for a minute.

"Sorry. I know you miss her, I shouldn't have slipped."

The Doctor inclined his head, accepting the apology. He wasn't the only time traveller to have visited Merlin after all.

"So what are you teaching this lifetime?" The gruffness of his voice was only a little more evident than usual so Merlin relaxed and summoned himself a cup of tea.

"History of Medicine. I was feeling nostalgic. It did a brilliant job of reminding me how much I do _not_ miss cleaning leech tanks and the lack of effective anaesthetics. Gaius had plenty of faults, but in many ways he was a man ahead of his time, though I must have cost him a fortune in broken beakers."

The doctor snorted, "I don't believe for a minute that you didn't fix those with illegal fusion."

Merlin glared, " _Magic_. And maybe a little, but not all. He was ever so cross when I accidentally turned one into crystal that one time, watched me like a hawk for the next month. Even the Prince noticed." He snorted.

"Can I get you anything?" Merlin gestured to the tea.

"Ah, I'm not much of a tea drinker this time 'round." Merlin shrugged and didn't probe that.

"Well, is your new 'student' taking exams this semester or a more _practical_ test of understanding?

The Doctor's lips quirked upwards a little, "Oh, we might have to take a field trip of sorts, she does have a better imagination than some of my friends, which is refreshing and jarring in equal measure. Perception filters don't work on her either."  
"I didn't think anything could shock you anymore Doctor." Merlin suppressed a chuckle at the disgruntled look the man displayed.

"Ah. Speaking of _shocks_ , and fieldtrips. I don't suppose you'd be willing to babysit an old friend of mine for the duration of our brief excursion?"

Merlin looked at the Doctor with open suspicion. "What kind of _old friend_ needs a guard at all times then?" He added the Warlock Eyebrow for effect.

"Ah, yes. The kind who you have long and complicated histories with and alternately try desperately to save and kill, with compromised mental stability. Maybe a little bit more… challenging, than would suit the average Human."

Merlin glared, "Doctor. What are you _Not telling me._ "

"I made a deal of sorts, the tricky kind."

" _DOCTOR!"  
_ "So in return for not killing Missy, I ensure she doesn't indulge her megalomania and try to conquer the universe. We were friends once. _Good_ friends. Then he became fractured and lost. He was betrayed and they turned his mind against him. Now there's just me and her left, and I can't kill Missy, and Missy can't bring herself to kill me."

Merlin sighed, rolling his eyes. "Shit, I _hate_ those choices. So is she going to take over the universe?"

The Doctor smirked, "Only if we let her."Merlin shook his head at the old man and huffed. "Is she at least interesting?"

The Doctor groaned. "She's psychotic, smirks, has a lust for power, dark haired and flirts as she breathes. Half the time she speaks in riddles, most of the rest she's trying to wind people up and provoke a reaction, preferably a violent or _passionate_ one. Skilled in telepathy. She's exactly your type. Don't touch. Don't even look." He glared at the ancient warlock, and even raised a warning finger.

He smirked back, "Are you sure you want to go gallivanting after all?"

"Only if you are willing to take a watch."

Merlin stretched and looked the Doctor over critically, concluding that he'd been doing this for quite some time, not sleeping by the smudges under his eyes, in need of a distraction, any distraction.

"I'll do it. No promises about ignoring her. I've been trapped and guarded as a monster enough to have baggage about it. No touching, no thinking."

"And _don't listen to her._ "

"Why not Doctor?"

He cocked a bushy brow, "Because you _listening_ to brilliant, beautiful women never ends well. This one can escape crystal caves in her sleep, so don't. I've been here 100 years already, and have another 900 to go."

Merlin chuckled. "Fine. No listening. You go with the youngster, and I'll Timelady sit every century or so, yeah? I will even solemnly swear not to reveal her existence to Jack."

He smirked at the look of horror that crossed the Doctor's face. "No. Oh no, no, no, no. He can never know. The two must never meet!"

"Does he know that you are on an extended visit?"

The doctor rolled his eyes, "Of course Harkness _knows._ "

Merlin ignored the attitude, "Did you _tell him_ you idiot?"

Guilt flared in his eyes, giving him away as clearly as shouting would have.  
"Right, one last condition, you go and _tell_ the Captain about this self imposed guard duty, how long it will be, and you grovel for not telling him already. I can wait as long it takes Doctor, I've got time, and two hundred essays to mark."

"Uhuh. And are there any other demands you'd like to make while we're at it? Maybe some Altarian vodka, the co-ordinates for the other homeworld of dragons perhaps, or a tracking beacon?"

Merlin snorted, "Yes, but I won't. Never give anyone that drink again, it's an act of hate, you _will_ take me to that world anyway one day, and I hardly need a _beacon_ to track anyone. Just try to remember the name Ianto, he's Jack's Rose." He frowned, "It's going to matter soon."

Pressing his lips together and running a hand through his hair the Doctor nodded, "Right. Something you've Seen, or just observed?"

Merlin shook his head, his voice gentle, "You know I can't tell you that, old friend."

He had yet to tell the Doctor he'd been accidentally slipping through time again, though he suspected that was important, the man had enough on his mind, it could wait until the man had gone off world for a bit. This incarnation seemed less prone to distraction and the TARDIS had decided to be more co-operative since River Song had spoken to her, so he very rarely missed his intended destination or was late now.

The Doctor hummed and watched his friend carefully, he'd find out what the problem was when he got back. Prodding Merlin for information when he'd no intention of giving it yet was an exercise in frustration for all parties. He knew that well enough by now. Maybe he should enlist Jack's help, though Jack's standard method of helping was more Gwaine-like than anything else, so possibly not ideal. Still, he'd been human once, so often understood the warlock a little better than the Timelord did.

"Fine. I'll do it. Just don't start doing that thing with your face, like you think you've won something, it looks wrong."

"Too late Doctor, it's already doing the thing."

The Doctor scowled, "That face is why you ended up being remembered as an old wizened man with a beard that trails in puddles."

"No it isn't. All warlocks and witches look smug or smirk, at least 40% of the time. It's in our

code."  
"Your code? What code, you have no code! You've barely got suggested guidelines you lot."

"Oi! I could have a code, I just haven't got around to writing one yet, and if there _was_ one, smirking would be in it. Smirking, and smelling of strange herbs, and mad hair, and… and long fingers! Or something. It's not like _you_ have one either, some secret Timelord code."

The Doctor folded his arms, "No, but _we_ take an oath, and have Rules. Lots of _Rules_."

Merlin snorted, "Which you ignore."

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Stop being childish!"

"Stop denying it then."

The Doctor sighed, scowling. "Ok, I suppose sometimes, just in specific circumstances I might be a little prone to some casual rule breaking. Only the silly ones though." Merlin narrowed his eyes, "Recently. Nothing major in the the important Rules broken recently."

Merlin nodded, "Well then. If you promise not to break the universe with Miss imagination later I'll see you tomorrow and Missy sit. Is it just 'Missy' or does she demand 'My Lady' as well?"

The doctor rolled his eyes, "Don't even suggest it, though technically she _is_ a Time Lady. They were more thoroughly starched than any of the humans who expect the title."

"Hmm. All of the starched ones were evil. Or furious. The corsets seemed to be intended to hold the anger in, it backfired horribly as a plan. Terribly uncomfortable things though, I can understand why they were vengeful. As bad as chainmail to move in."

The Doctor arched a bushy eyebrow, "You know this from experience?"

"I lost a bet, ok? And I got bored for a bit of the Elizabethan era. They all seemed to lapse back into the whole witch-hunting mentality, but added catholics to the list, and it was easier with more than one disguise. I owe Leon five silver pieces."

The Doctor's scowl had deepened at the casual mention of witch-hunts. "Ugh, why are humans such idiots."

Merlin looked pointedly at the Doctor, "Because, my dear Doctor, they _live_ , and most are barely more than children. You on the other hand are a Gallifreyan Timelord, have lived so long you've lost track, seen wonders, and yet have sat with _Emrys_ drinking tea, and Altarian vodka telling me that magic _is not real_. Bit cheeky to call the humans idiots until you can admit I am what I say I am, _after_ you have seen it being used."

"It's not magic, it's..."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "All science. Yes, you've said that already. Then stop calling _them_ idiots for fearing what they can't explain." The Doctor huffed but didn't argue.

"If you ever want to properly destroy those witches you picked up from Shakespeare you know where I am."

"They are not witches they're.."

"Carrionites" Merlin finished with him. "I know. But on _my_ planet they use _my_ forces, and they really screwed the flow up back then, took me years to properly untangle the mess they made of it. I'm still pretty pissed at them you know, and I felt their magical signature, I'm stronger."

The Doctor eyed him "No."

"No? I thought you had a friend who wants the universe, why are you keeping possible resources in the next room?"

"Next room! My TARDIS is a whole world behind one door. _One room_." He scoffed, " _You_ kept a sidhe staff _under your bed_ with a mortal enemy upstairs who kept trying to have you killed."

"Yes, and it was a terrible idea, from a 17 year old."  
"The carrionites aren't under my bed."

"Well that's good, but you haven't been using it anyway so goodness knows what's under there by now." Merlin grimaced in distaste. He had always made a habit of avoiding 'under the bed', nothing good was ever there. Bodies, slugs, royal socks, mouldy apple cores and shadow creatures, yes, but nothing _good_. He certainly wasn't about to volunteer to check this one.

"I'll think about it." The Doctor's lips curled upwards at the look of shock from Merlin, he clearly hadn't expected to win what was more bickering than an argument.

"Thank you Doctor." He spoke quietly, and ran a hand through his once again unruly hair,

"I have to give a lecture on the historical use of honey in medicine tomorrow morning, but I will be at yours in the afternoon, see if I can't spot your new friend, then we can go and see your _old_ friend."  
A comfortable silence descended over them then. When the Doctor dragged himself upright again and strode purposefully towards the door Merlin smiled, "Not that you believe in it but good luck. He'll forgive you Doctor, he always does."

His eyes sad the Timelord glanced back, "He shouldn't. I always end up hurting them."

Merlin nodded, "Perhaps, but he will do it anyway, because you taught him how, and because we all need that in the end. First time he's met this face, isn't it. I look forward to hearing his response. Later. Take care of yourself Doctor."

"Don't I always?"

Merlin eyebrow crept upwards, "That you can say that in your 13th incarnation with a straight face concerns me more than it ought."

"Fine. I will. Can't have you missing a lecture and not learning anything, can we?" and the space he had been in was suddenly empty. Merlin just shook his head and sipped at the tea he never allowed to cool.

He did after all have essays to mark, and research on this friend-nemesis of the Doctor to do.


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor rather enjoyed sneaking into the ridiculously named 'Hub'.

He never got to sneak anywhere these days. He was decidedly _less_ happy to have several humans waving silly little guns around burst into Jack's office once they finally noticed, where he was patiently waiting in the chair. "Oh put them away, you'll scare the poor pteranodon."

"Oi! _She_ has a name. Who the hell are you?"

Jack had put his own gun away on sight, glaring at him. The Doctor spread his own hands "That's not a very polite way to greet people." The man looked at Ianto like a child who forgot to say please before focusing his full attention on their Captain, "Hello Jack. I brought pizza. I think it's the right ones, unless you're tastes have changed." He laced his fingers together, raising bushy eyebrows.

"Not as much as you have I think."

"Ah. We're then. Ok. That's good to know."

The captain lowered voice, "How is _she_?"

The Doctor's voice was flat as he answered, "Gone."

He didn't need to explain, Jack would understand. He wasn't about to start sharing with the class.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming back. Everything said you were close but you don't write, you never call, I even wondered if the instruments measurements were wrong." There was so much _unsaid_ between them.

"I was busy." The Doctor's eyes clouded over.

"You know him, Jack?"

He flashed a smile at the woman asking, "We're old friends. He and I go way back."

"And here I thought it was forward." The Doctor raised an eyebrow at Jack's quick response.

"Any way you want. Put the guns down kids, and help yourself, the food's safe. Poisoning isn't his style."

Owen glowered, "No offence Jack, but we're a lot more concerned about whether explosions and psychotic power trips are than the toppings." Jack stared at the slim man until he grumbled and holstered his weapon.

The Doctor looked up at his friend, the haunted look was still there, easy to see if you knew, but there was a happiness that had been missing the last time they met. "It's a nice family you have Jack."

He smiled, "Nice probably isn't the word, at least one is an asshole; but they _are brilliant_. Fantastic. _Important_." The captain nodded towards his friend. "I like this face. It's very… expressive. Maybe a little too _mad professor_ for me, but it works on you."" _Mad professor?"_ The man looked outraged.

"Yeah." Jack grinned manically, before he settled into sterner lines, "Seriously though, Doc, how do you feel about explosions this time? It _is_ something your feelings have been different on from time to time. The last face notably coincided with quite a number of them, the first one I knew, well..."

" _Last face_?" Mouthed Gwen, and the Doctor's brows knit together,

"Hey, you're the one working for a man who can't die- well, stay dead, isn't it strange how his face is the same every time he comes back? No? No one finds that weird?" The Doctor looked around the room and found similarly puzzled faces to Gwen's.

Jack rolled his eyes, "Doctor, in the most disappointingly boring sense of the phrase, can we take this to my bedroom?"

"Oh! You have one of those now? Does it have bunk beds? Or algae beds- no, wait, wrong century-"

"Nope, just a normal one I'm afraid, very dull, but I don't sleep much anyway, you coming or not?"

The Doctor looked over Captain Harkness, confident as ever and in control, and removed himself from the man's seat. "Well it has been a long time since an intriguing man invited me to see his bedroom, how could I pass up an offer like that?"

Catching the flash of jealousy on Ianto's face Jack rolled his eyes, "Relax Yan. Nothing to worry about. I'm not his type." Jack winked cheekily at his boyfriend as stalked out of the room, followed by a man who looked more grizzled than any who had visited so far.

The Doctor looked around him on the way down, it was odd what people found comforting.

The bedroom door swung closed behind them and Jack let go of his persona, whirling to face his oldest friend, " _What the hell, Doc,_ where have you _been_? The last time I saw you, you had a different face, voice, everything, what the fuck happened?"

The Doctor closed weary eyes and almost _breathed_ his answer, "A battle. A very, very _long_ battle. I found them, and they _could_ have returned. On this side even the Papal mainframe fell. There was a _lot_ that happened Jack, and too much that was lost. I shouldn't even be here, the High council limited our regenerations, and for good reason, of course most Gallifreyans get longer out of each than I did, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I'm stuck _here_ now, because of one of the reasons they can't just have us running about as the next thing to immortal, I've been guarding a friend. Nemesis. It's complicated. I didn't tell you before because well- I'm rubbish at that, and you two have a history, but I have a guard duty for another 900 years; so I guess this is home for now."

Harkness narrowed his eyes, "Who told you that you were being rude by not saying hello, Doctor?"

"You wound me Jack, why could I not simply decide one day to visit an old friend?"

Jack rolled his eyes, exasperated. "Doc, I will fill your deceptive pockets with treats for Myfanwy and send you out without a water-gun." One bushy eyebrow shot up,

Jack smirked, "She's like a cat that way."

The Doctor nodded his understanding. "Fine. Merlin is in town - in my defence, _he_ didn't exactly turn up on his first day teaching either."

"Uhuh. _I knew it_.. But Teaching? When did you become a teacher again?

"About 95 years ago. Keeps me sane. Er. Plus they have brilliant basements in universities and expect everyone to be eccentric. It's like being invisible."

"Eccentric. Right. And Merlin is not here with you because… ?"

"I'm telling him that you think he's eccentric. He is marking essays, officially. And doing me a favour. Name one other person you'd trust to inhibit a Time Lady."

Jack grinned, "He knows. Told him myself and he tied me up with that neckerchief of his to prove he has reasons. It didn't help illustrate any _less_ eccentricity. Besides I'd be more worried if a man like him seemed normal. They'd be secretly plotting something nefarious."

"Well of course they would. Even you must get bored. I am almost certain he is anyway, but at least he is not in favour of world domination."

"And you are choosing to leave him with someone who is?"

The doctor frowned, "Well maybe a little bit…"

"Is she pretty?"

"I think so, but I'm not impartial this time."

Jack rolled his eyes, "We're doomed."

The Doctor looked unimpressed, "Like you would be any better Jack."

"Fine; we _might_ be doomed."

"Humanity is _always_ doomed, always in danger, so fleeting. Nothing lasts forever. Where does obsessing over the inevitability of an end get you? All we can do is help them." River, the Ponds, Tasha, Clara, _all the endings_ fluttered around the edges.

"You've forgotten who you're talking to, haven't you." Jack Harkness didn't wither and fade like other living things.

The Doctor frowned, "Even you Jack. There is an end to _all_ things. Or an undoing. Depends how it's done. Time's like yarn, so many things, events, creatures to create with it, and then the stitches torn out to be remade as something new. You never know what the next masterpiece will be."

"I'd ask you what that's meant to mean, but I suspect not knowing is kinder."

"I've a pupil who'd interest you you know, already completely convinced you and UNIT exist though she's no idea of the names. Couldn't afford university so got a job in the cafeteria and started sneaking into all my lectures- others too, but saw inconsistencies she shouldn't. You'd like her- though _not_ like that, she's ah, pickier than you."

"Hey, I'm everyone's type."

The doctor's gruff laughter rang out, "Not hers. Though I'd give much to watch her take the wind out _those_ sails."

"Ah, _that_ kind of picky."

"Oi! Don't say that like it's bad thing. If you were anyone else it'd make her life expectancy better than yours."

Jack chuckled, "You're not wrong. So Merlin took up teaching again? He hadn't decided last time I saw him."

"When was that?" The Doctor inquired, the man hadn't mentioned how long he'd been doing it this time.

"Which Merlin?"Jack arched a brow and leaned back against a support with folded arms.

"Oooh he and I will be having words if he is mucking about in time again."

The captain frowned, "I don't know Doc, it didn't seem to be intentional and he looked pretty shocked just appearing there, damn I hate when he does that. At least _you_ have the courtesy to bring a ride and make waves on the rift monitors."The doctor spun around waving him off, "You are not making it sound better Jack."

"Do you really think he'd tell you if something was wrong before he could explain what it was? New face aside you're not looking at your best. If I can see it, he could. Anyone special?"

The Doctor scanned Jack face as carefully as the sonic would.

"You told me a long, long time ago Jack that everyone should get a _last night._ The ones that matter most. I ran from it for centuries, trying never to use it up, but that 'last night' finally caught up to me." Old eyes met their equal;

"Where did you go?"

The Doctor smiled softly, "Somewhere she had wanted to visit almost as long as I knew her. Darillium. They built the place for us to watch simply because she wanted to see the Towers sing. In the spot we first saw them. She would go on to see me one more time, but it wasn't _me._ I would have done almost anything to be the one to answer, but I swore to River I wouldn't change anything, before I knew what I was doing. That woman knocked me sideways from the start, when I was still so far away from the man she needed. We had the last night though, oh and it was the _best_ night Jack."  
"You know the way I hear it, night on Darillium lasts longer than on Earth."

The Doctor huffed "She hit me for that."

"Sure she did." Jack snorted.  
"I'm serious. Don't tease archaeologists, they're violent."  
"You know she was never particularly subtle about that part, it was even part of your elaborate mating ritual flirting. If that was a surprise to you I'm on her side."  
"So you should be Jack. So you should be. If you ever _do_ see her again, tell her I'll always be coming home. Give her a hug. She never did get enough hugs, she'll trust them from you."

"Not unless I try and kiss her. She'll just assume a shapeshifter"

The Doctor twitched, "Fine. If it means she gets a hug I won't even glare. Can't see River taking it well if I ever told anyone which boundaries should be respected. If she doesn't like what you're doing, she's the one who'll shoot you."

Jack rubbed a phantom injury, "She did. Quite right too, we weren't on the same side that time."

"It's big old universe Jack, but just occasionally you get a beautiful coincidence."

He chucked, "Yeah. I always do keep an eye out for an mutual friends."

"Have you told Merlin about the pterodactyl?"

Jack's face twisted into a mask of horror, "OH FUCK! I haven't"

"You are seriously telling me that you let _me_ meet your pet pteranodon before you introduced the dragonlord. He thought _I_ was being rude. Good luck explaining _that one_."

"It's a pterodactyl, not a dragon, and it's not _my_ pet, it's Ianto's."

"It has a name, an inside roost, you give it treats, and I really don't think 'it's my boyfriend's' is going to get you off the hook. It'll be interesting for science though to find out whether the two species are related, I wonder if Myfanwy would listen to Merlin. Not sure what he'll make of the name though, he has…. Opinions, about those."  
Jack laughed, "I know what 'Aithusa' means. I'm pretty sure he'll approve of Ianto's possibly over romantic choice. If there is a second man on the planet who can look at lost and defensive pterodactyl and think 'beloved', Merlin is he."

"So what now?"

Jack shrugged, "I have the coffee of the gods, and night shift, but you've got itchy feet and said the rift monitor is uncomfortable, unless this you doesn't feel that. It's ok, I get it. You know where I am if you ever need to be not alone. Just make sure the food wasn't a one time deal. Take away gets you everywhere with this lot, actually most food does. Ianto's the only one who can make anything edible."

"Fine. I'm not bringing ice cream though. Or sending postcards. Amelia Pond had us stopping to get specific tubs of ice cream."

"Hmm. Figures. I rather miss Rory you know. He was like a real life handsome prince except that he wasn't an asshole when you got to know him."

"Aye. So do I. He was a good man. Do you think there's any chance they'll believe I'm a student if I turn up at his lecture in the morning? Last regeneration was easy." The Doctor frowned.

"Mature students are a thing now. They might believe it, if you weren't already on retainer. Or if could keep your mouth shut. No trolling each others classes alright? If I get called in because you pair are pissed or disruptive I will be Very Unhappy." Jack mock- glared at the Doctor, who smirked back,

"Well, if you throw a hissy fit over it I'll let you explain to the federal board of interplanetary governors next time someone accidentally assassinates an over inflated runaway rich girl."

Jack groaned, that had been a Bad Day. "It was hardly a negotiation, and she _had_ killed over 30 men by then, completely aside from the gaseous form being hard to imprison."

"I don't disagree, but you were not authorised. Swings and roundabouts Jack. Fine. No trolling. No other promises though." Jack moved to hug the Doctor before he left and the timelord went awkwardly stiff. "Not a hugger this time then."

"Ah, no. I don't seem to be. Probably used up the full quota on last regeneration."

Jack hummed. "You _were_ very _tactile_ in that body. Not that I blame you, but Doctor, take care of that face. I plan to see what those eyebrows can do before you trade them in."

The Doctor smiled, calling back to him, "Don't damage that coat. Getting hard to replace now without someone noticing."

With his pockets pterodactyl food free he left the Hub, and Jack Harkness behind.

Merlin glared at the paper in front of him. It burst into flames. Fuck. That wasn't supposed to happen any more. He rearranged the atoms into their previous placements. He almost missed not knowing what he was doing. It seemed less weighty then.

Missy. Who was Missy. Old friends, Timelady. Couldn't be Susan that much he knew, Ramona wasn't here now, was she, or the walls of reality would have collapsed, unless that was why he was slipping again. Possibly her then? Definitely not River, he'd never imprison her again. Something niggled in the back of his mind. Missy was a daft name for a Time Lady, it had to be short for something, and most people dropped the ending rather than the first part of a name. Mistress maybe? It certainly worked as a title. Better than the Mystery or The Misfortune.

Running back through what the Doctor had said he remembered the mixed pronouns and realisation dawned as he half shouted,

"OH _FUCK_! That sentimental fucking bastard has the Master in the basement."

Maybe this version believed in rehabilitation. He still needed a skelp for utter stupidity. Merlin had lived through enough of the Master's schemes, evil plots, and games to know what he was dealing with. He no longer registered as Human enough for the transformation targeting them to work. Missy was as unhinged as Morgana.

Still, like _his_ 'it's complicated' she wasn't ever boring.

At least the strict warnings made sense now.

Who kept a bloody psychopath who turned planets into warships next door? The Warlock sighed, stupid question; of course the Doctor would.

He did seem to have a soft spot for them though, and Merlin wasn't best placed to judge either saviour complexes or tangled relationships with nemeses. Or unwise soft spots.

As soon as the marking was done Merlin went looking for his Time related magic books. The most inconvenient thing about Timelords- and Ladies- was their ability to sense when he was messing with it. Slowing it, pausing, speeding things up, rewinding, creating little bubbles, they were _aware_ of all that like he was, remembered it all, it would be of no advantage to him, and they could use it. Use _him_ ; much as he hated to admit it.

It was a long night for the man as he considered what types of shielding might be useful, and which types of energy the Master- _Missy_ might be able to manipulate. If she _wasn't_ a sadistic, power crazed megalomaniac serving a millenia long prison sentence, she could be fun to play with. If he was willing to risk reality for kicks it still could be, but even _he_ wasn't _that_ bored yet. Arthur would be pissed if he destroyed Albion in his absence too. Maybe enough to wake up to come and throw things at him… No. Bad Merlin. Fate of the world over attempts to wake old friends. Always.

At least Missy didn't know about the dragons, that would be bad. She might know about the faye, they were fewer now, but Earth didn't _only_ house humans. They were just the most obvious. Something, or something _s_ dwelt under the surface but he'd never had cause to seek them out; the Doctor might know. Whether asking was wise or not was a different question.

By the time the sun rose Merlin had some ideas, and a reinforced mental wall. Telepathy was supposed to be something most of the Master's incarnations excelled in. Not a risk worth taking if that's who he was dealing with.

Early lectures were often a blessing to a man who rarely slept anymore, he tried. He really _did_ but sometimes he'd wake up in the wrong place, or the dreams, or visions, or nightmares would come. It wasn't always a _good idea_ to sleep.

The looks of shock and horror on young faces as he explained the consequences of poor infection control, and certain procedures was both amusing and saddening. He'd seen the difference antibiotics really made. They changed everything. He'd lost more than a few friends to now easily cured diseases. The only thing that got the exact same reaction from his listeners was the series where they covered the history of contraception. _That_ tended to have an effect on quite a few students.

Seeing the Doctor sitting near the back he grinned, it was rare that he had anyone who could refute or properly understand the practices or argue with him. Even rarer to have someone who had seen it done or developed. Thankfully he kept any opinions to himself for the hour, waiting until the students had left.

"Interesting. Are you ever going to have them attempt making the remedies, or non harmful practices?"

"Not actually a bad idea for workshops. Do you think anyone would try drinking it? They're a lot more drinkable since those flavouring syrups went mainstream. Doesn't stop them working."

"You've tried?"

"I'm not a saint Doctor, and most people don't want to think they went home with a crazy person, or work with one. 'Here, drink this. It's a Family Secret' works a lot better the the offer of a spell to instantly cure hangovers." The Doctor nodded an acknowledgement, Even he cringed at the offer of a 'spell', though not because he doubted the efficacy. He knew from experience that it worked as well as his own detox options.

"I'm gonna assume that's also not ok for Missy, if alcohol even works on her."

"Definitely not. Drunk Missy is….less restrained."  
Merlin nodded. "So why _are_ you guarding the Master this millenium? I thought you were in a stable enemies phase last time."

"Long story Merlin."

The man gave him the warlock eyebrow, "I'm not short of time. Ever. You're pretty when I hold you up to the energy, like a prism. Is it a Timelord thing or just you?"

The Doctor cursed. "Timelord thing. Don't _try_ to look, you shouldn't mess with the strings, Bad Things can happen then."

"Promise. No matter how tempting it is to pluck them. Does it sound like music?"

His friend growled "I don't know, it's on the list of rules that are serious enough to not break. They did it during the war, I have no idea what could happen, and neither do you."

His eyes softened, the war was a subject that the Doctor rarely mentioned now and tried to avoid. "Long story for your office of mine?"

"Mine." Was the Doctor's clipped answer.

"You did the thing I told you to?" Merlin knew the answer but it was a deliberate change of direction the the Doctor would appreciate. "I saw him. Turns out he owes you an apology of his own."

Merlin grinned. "His flighty pet. Aye, I've met him. He promises to be well behaved as long as they are. Jack is _not_ his favourite. Apparently he smells funny."

His friend laughed, "Well that answers that question."

"Don't tell him I know, I want to see his attempt to apologise for neglecting that one. It's not the same as a dragon, that's like calling a house cat a fucking tiger. Still, more interesting than most of their other visitors, and he listens well."

"Not a word. Ah, here we are, there's a kettle on the side, behind the big chair." Merlin rolled his eyes, fifteen hundred years and the man still forgot that it was unnecessary, though in company he usually used them anyway. Tea was one thing he did appreciate these days, along with medicine and spices. He missed _his_ land, but at least this one had _some_ compensations. Indoor plumbing was pretty good too.

"I didn't tell you she was the Master." The Doctor frowned, this face tended towards that.

"She isn't, she's Missy, it's a stupid title. Short for Mistress I'm assuming. Been a while since I saw him, that was _not_ fun. Good thing someone stepped in to save the day."  
"You stayed out of that one."

Merlin shrugged, stirring his tea, "Wasn't my fight, you were both here, I'd just have been in the way, and an added complication to plans. Better I hid the dragons. The body heat shows up something terrible if I don't disrupt the scanners. A lot less destructive than most missiles, but great for spreading terror. The TARDIS was screaming, and they wanted to help her. It's complicated."  
"Isn't it always." The Doctor looked round at the appearance of what seemed to Merlin to be a talking potato. "The prisoner wishes to speak with your guest."  
"Tell her no." Merlin levelled a glare at the Doctor for answering in his place. "I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions about safety thanks."

Shaking his head the doctor ran fingers through his hair, "You asked for the story first. Best you hear it before speaking to her."

"Bit late for that, she's not quiet. Has she been talking at you the full century? Gods, it's just as well you lost the right to claim full sanity years ago. That's enough to tip anyone over."

"Not quite. There are dampeners up anyway."

"Not enough Doctor. Mind me putting a silencing charm around here so I've a choice? Man, she can _bitch_."

"Go ahead if it's still bothering you. She's had a _lot_ of practice."

Relief flooded Merlin as he did so."Yeah, but at least she isn't broadcasting drums this time, thankfully. That was deeply unpleasant."  
"Yes it was. The cruelty of the council has had far reaching consequences." The Doctor sighed and Merlin's face went blank "Cruelty always does."

The Doctor saw his friend's ashen face, bad year then.

"Don't do that, I'm fine, great even, could use a distraction. Just one of the dates that are dark."

The Timelord frowned, there were too many bad dates in the warlock's long life to know which this was, his thoughts were interrupted, "Doctor. Please. Distract me, not dissect me. Does Missy know you plan to hop off world?"

He considered it, "Possibly. I hope not, but she's probably more surprised I stayed still _this long_. Maybe I'm growing patience."

The warlock snorted, "Patience? You?"

"It could happen." Insisted the timelord.

"Of course it could. So could the collapse of the Himalayas, and the third big bang." Surprise showed in the Doctor's eyes and Merlin laughed,"Oh, _come on_ , did you think I wouldn't notice the rejig? You're as subtle as a brick to the face that way. It's good work, you get points for the artistry."

"Honestly, I didn't, You shouldn't have known Merlin. Something is...wrong. You cannot ignore it forever."

"I don't intend to, but one more day isn't going to make a difference. After your trip we'll talk, but first take the new girl to see something amazing, give someone an overdose of joy and adrenaline for me. You're avoiding how you acquired the Master- um Mistress. Gods that sounds unnatural, Milady, My Lady, even Ma'am I could work with but _Mistress?_ That's just for a proper Domme, I'd always be looking for the crop. 'Missy' was a good call on her part."

"Don't expect any more mercy than you would from _any_ _of them_."  
The old warlock pressed his lips together thinly. "I've met him before Doctor. You aren't _always_ on time, none of us are. Mercy isn't her strong point; but mine is slipping too. Maybe I should try it your way some time."

"You said it yourself, you can't hide again, however you make it work, as long as it isn't lunch dates with Missy."  
"Aww, and there I was hoping to co-conquer the universe. _Gods no_ , I've seen the paperwork with high positions. No thank you. Your dinner lady's cracked the system already. She's just using you for your motor." Merlin winked at the Timelord.

"Even if she was, the theories she opts for are more imaginative than most of them come up with. Worth it."


End file.
